Not Your Usual
by AwkwardedOut
Summary: Artemis and company had anticipated a nice, leisurely trip from point A to point B, their destination being the demon home Hybras. What they had not anticipated was landing in a world that also had magic, elves and goblins. Just not the ones they knew.
1. Surprise Landing

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Hollow Kingdom series, nor the Artemis Fowl series. Also, there is a direct excerpt from the fifth Artemis Fowl book, _The Lost Colony_, indicated in italics, which I have included in this story.

**Surprise Landing:**

Artemis hung from a piton hooked to the belt at Holly's waist alongside the demons N o1 and Qwan. They were suspended in midair by the mechanical wings equipped to Holly's back outside one of the tallest buildings in the world. The wind attacked them relentlessly, trying to rush them to their deaths, but Holly managed to keep them hovering in front of a window on the fortieth floor of Taipei 101. Butler stood at that open window, his bulk filling the frame and his eyes wide with shock at the turn of events.

Sensing their time was short from the worrying sounds of Holly's engine motor, the pale boy called out to his friend. _"Butler?"_ His voice was immediately snatched away by the wind, but it seemed that the large man had understood him.

_"Yes, Artemis, what?"_

_ "If something goes wrong, wait for me. No matter how it looks, I will return. I will bring them all back."_

Precisely at that moment, the fairy wings gave out and the wind gleefully claimed its hapless victims, leaving Butler staring in horror at the empty space they had just occupied.

* * *

><p>The next few seconds passed in a dizzying blur. The wing motor had given out, and they were plummeting to a death-by-pavement forty stories below—that is, if they didn't die from being smashed repeatedly into the unyielding steel of the skyscraper first. Both were good options for a painful and unsightly death, but neither was high on anyone's To Do List.<p>

With a determination that was uncommon to Artemis except when it concerned gold, he put his contingency plan into action. He reined in his thin, flapping arm and thrust it in the general direction of N o1. He was met with an indignant sound from the demon as his hand slapped the imp's face. Trying again, this time he was able to grab ahold of the silver bracelet worn around the gray arm that dangled beside him—not as easy as it sounded, when a person was literally being tossed around like a rag doll in the wind. With a grunt, the silver item was torn from the small wrist and fell away from the group. The result of this action was immediate and the group of four fell—literally—through a hole in the sky.

Different times and dimensions flashed past them—or perhaps Artemis and the fairies were the ones who flashed past. It was difficult to tell. So far the group had traveled through the tunnel unhindered. Artemis thought this would remain the case until they landed in Hybras, the island that had been lifted out of time and was home to the demon race. He was wrong.

Before any of them realized it, the swirling colors and distorted sounds of the tunnel had faded to be replaced by a rush of green and the cacophony of insect calls. There was a chorus of loud grunts as the group materialized about five feet in the air and dropped to the ground in a tangled heap of bodies. They disentangled themselves quickly, or as quickly as was possible when there was a finger up one's nostril and an elbow in another's eye.

Once free from the confusion of limbs and tails, Artemis lifted his hand to see that it was solid once more, and upon closer inspection, so was the remainder of his body. He had fully materialized, and from what he could tell, he did not have two tails or pointed ears. Looking over at his fairy companions, he saw that they were completely themselves as well. Next came the area in which they had landed. They appeared to be in the heart of a forest; they had landed in the center of a large ring of trees with an outer ring just beyond. There was not a building in sight. The sky was tinged with pink and purple, so the sun was either just rising or just setting.

"This is Hybras?" Artemis asked.

"No," No1 answered immediately. "Trust me, you'd know if it was Hybras."

"So then where are we?" Holly asked, her eyes scanning the shadows warily. She would have just closed her helmet visor and used the computer to scan the area for body heat, but her helmet computer was not working. She tried a manual reboot, but there wasn't so much as a peep. The experiment to activate her wing rig failed as well. What she lamented the most, however, was her Neutrino, which was currently just a lump of metal in her palm—a lump of metal that did not shoot laser blasts. It was a devastating loss to the fairy.

"We are in a forest, Holly."

"Brilliant, Artemis. You certainly deserve to be called a genius."

"Ask an obvious question…"

"It isn't my fault that giant brain of yours is incapable of correctly interpreting my question."

No1 was afraid his new friends would throw themselves across the short distance and start rolling around on the grass, throwing punches. The gray imp was fairly sure the slim but muscular Holly would win. Then again, his face still stung from when Artemis had accidentally struck him earlier, so maybe Artemis could hold his own as well. When he saw Holly aim the Neutrino in Artemis' direction, he quickly intervened.

"Children, please!"

At No1's outburst, Artemis and Holly both let the matter drop. It had just been such a relief that they hadn't ended up somewhere like the surface of the sun, that Artemis just couldn't help goading Holly a bit. Holly, for her part, while upset over the loss of her main weapon, had enjoyed the banter as well, because of the familiarity the activity provided in this unfamiliar world.

"Relax," Holly soothed the demon. "The Neutrino was just to scare the Mud Boy a bit. It's not like I would have actually fired. It doesn't work anyway."

"That's reassuring," Artemis remarked sarcastically before he'd fully digested her words, and his faced formed a frown. "That could be a problem."

"You think?" Holly layered her voice with sarcasm as well.

"As much as I enjoy listening to your witty exchanges, I'm afraid there's another problem at hand," Qwan said from the outer edge of the ring of trees, where he appeared to be examining the dirt at his feet. "This will be a good lesson for you, No1. What do you think should have happened when we fell into the portal?"

"Well, without the silver to ground us, we should have been pulled back to Hybras," No1 answered, eager to be taught about his newly discovered gift.

"Correct. But we're not in Hybras. So what happened?" Qwan asked.

No1 didn't have an answer to this question. This was all still new to him, and while he had what felt like a bottomless reservoir of magic in his body, he lacked the theoretical knowledge to go with it.

Artemis cleared his throat and stepped into the conversation, "I believe I can answer that." Artemis thought he heard a soft snigger from Holly, but when he turned to look at her, she looked back with a straight face. When the two warlocks also turned their attention to him, Artemis launched into a lecture.

"The theory was that without the silver to anchor No1 here, the lure of Hybras would pull him—and us—back there, making minimal and always short-lived stops along the way. However, with three highly magical beings simply floating through time and space, it would stand to reason that another magical world could intercept us from our journey. If we're here now, it means that something highly magical is in progress in this universe. We need to figure out what that is, and if possible, stop it long enough for us to be returned to the time stream."

It was a long explanation, and by the end of it, only Qwan seemed completely unaffected; Holly and No1 both sported confused expressions.

"The Mud Boy is correct. Remember all that? There'll be a quiz later." Qwan winked at No1 and Holly. No1 blanched as his mental dictionary processed the word_ quiz_.

"What we need now is a plan of action, or we'll just be sitting pretty while this bomb counts down the time to our deaths," Holly declared. She glanced down at the metal case still cuffed to her arm and gasped.

"What is it?" No1 asked worriedly.

"The timer," the elf pointed at the bright red numbers on the screen.

Artemis studied the numbers on the case. They read six consecutive nines across the small screen, and no longer counted down. It would have seemed as if the bomb, like Holly's equipment, was not operable in this world had it not been for the steady light of the numbers.

"What's happening?" Holly asked. "Does this mean…"

Artemis shook his head. "No, the bomb is still active, but the time tunnel has clearly affected it. If we arrived in an earlier time period—much, much earlier—then it could have knocked the timer for a loop."

"But why does the bomb still work when my computer and Neutrino don't?"

"My best guess would be that you are carrying fairy equipment, which probably does not exist in this world, so it is not functional here. The bomb, on the other hand, while its exact structure may not exist here, its components do. It therefore does not defy the laws of this world, and is allowed to function." Artemis knelt in the grass for a moment to think before directing his attention to Qwan. "Is it possible to place the bomb somewhere in this world and set it off?"

Qwan shook his head. "You can't mess with the natural balance of another world, kid."

Artemis opened his mouth to respond, but no sound came forth. For a second, he merely stared blankly at his friends with his mouth hanging open, presenting them with a rather comical sight. Then, the pale boy's eyelids lowered, his body slumped forward and he face-planted in the grass. Holly would have immediately jumped into action had her own mind not shut down and deposited her on the ground as well.

"What's… happening…" No1 fought off a huge yawn as he tried to articulate his question. There was a foreign weight pressing down on his mind, telling him to sleep. He tried to fight it, but his magic was new to him still, and he found it difficult to control when he was just so darn sleepy. _Maybe just a… little nap…_

Qwan watched as his student's fluttering lids finally shut completely and the young warlock fell into a magical slumber—magical because it had been induced by magic, obviously, and not the other kind. In a matter of seconds, Qwan's friends had been taken out one by one. The elder warlock himself had no trouble fending off the magic directed at him, and merely waited for the spell casters to show themselves. Maybe they would be able to help.


	2. Meeting

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Hollow Kingdom series, nor the Artemis Fowl series.

**Meeting:**

Two figures huddled at the base of a large tree, cloaked in shadows. The two creatures, one goblin and one elf, had been on a mixed patrol of the land when the wind carried the sound of voices to their ears. Immediately, they had cast spells to hide their presence in order to investigate the disturbance. They had skillfully stalked through the forest to the source of the voices. From afar, they counted four people whom neither recognized. One was clearly a human male; one was only three feet tall and wore a strange round contraption over the head—a human child, perhaps; the remaining two had gray skin and odd body structures that neither elf nor goblin could place to a specific species.

The goblin sat back on his haunches and considered a plan of action. This particular goblin was a big, hulking figure with silver skin and pointed ears. His untidy black hair stuck up in all directions. On his face were barely discernable black lines that crisscrossed it from one side to the other—and it was due to these marks that he had been named Tattoo. Between those lines were blue eyes that stared intently at the four figures in the small patch of forest a few yards in front of him. He turned to confer with his companion, the blonde-haired and blue-eyed elf named Hunter.

The strangers were conversing inside the truce circle, so a forceful removal was out of the question, but that was okay. After all, there were other ways to impose one's will on another even within the truce circle.

"You put the two gray creatures to sleep," Tattoo told his companion.

"I don't want to do that. You do it." The blonde man gave a hushed protest, wary despite the silencing spell that protected their words from traveling beyond their little bubble.

Tattoo rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'll take out the gray ones. You handle the humans. Whoever can take out their targets the fastest wins."

"Fine."

Both of them focused their attention on their respective targets. Tattoo, confident in his skills, cast his spell silently while Hunter had to mutter the words under his breath. However, the two humans dropped first, one after the other. To Tattoo's chagrin, his first target fought his spell, and it was with some effort that he managed to overpower the smaller of the gray creatures. The other one, to his dismay, wasn't affected at all.

"Ha! I win!" Hunter cried out triumphantly before clapping his hands over his mouth. Thankfully, the silence spell had covered for his folly.

Tattoo, his pride sore, merely grumbled. "I must be out of range. We'll have to get closer." Tattoo moved forward in a crouch, always keeping to the shadows, his footsteps soft in the thick grass. He was glad when he felt Hunter following closely behind, his victory quickly forgotten. Once the shadowed figures were at the outer edge of the truce circle, as close to the group of intruders as possible, Tattoo tried the sleep spell again, sending his magic towards the small creature. A few seconds passed in which nothing happened, then he saw the gray creature turn and look toward the base of the tree, directly at him.

"That's a clever cloaking spell," the creature commented out loud in English.

Tattoo looked at Hunter, whose blue eyes were wide. When the squat gray figure continued to gaze at their shadowed hiding spot, giving no indication that his orange eyes were merely roaming the forest at random, Tattoo began to feel nervous. Magic was an advantage he had held since birth; it was the easiest way to deal with intruders—particularly humans—if they happened to wander too far into goblin land. Now, he faced an intruder who was impervious to his magic, and he wasn't comfortable at the loss of his main advantage. After a long debate, the goblin decided to cancel the spell and stepped forward into the moonlight with Hunter. If the being had intended to harm them, it would have done so already. If it was a trick to lure them out, it was two against one.

The gray creature, upon closer inspection, had plates like armor, with intricate red runes running across its body. A short, squat tail jutted from its backside. Eight toes dug in the grass while eight fingers wiggled past the knees. His face was set with intelligent orange eyes.

It wasn't a goblin, of that Tattoo was sure. Goblins were irregular; they had the genes of hundreds of animals, humans, and elves combined in their race, and these traits could show up at any time. But this, the creature before him, was completely _regular_. Odd, but regular. Uniform. No, it definitely wasn't a goblin.

"So, is he your cousin or something?" Hunter asked, interrupting Tattoo's silent analysis.

The goblin rolled his eyes, but otherwise ignored his companion. Since the creature's chosen language was apparently English, Tattoo used this as well. "What are you? And what are you doing here?"

Qwan, for his part, old and wise, didn't bat an eye at the strange creatures before him. Several millennia as a rock had mellowed him out quite a bit. In fact, he thought the two men looked quite friendly and would surely be willing to help him and the others, and so launched into a condensed version of his predicament. Occasionally, he may have even slipped in a complaint or two about his own woes. But for the most part, the story—from the moment the original spell was cast on Hybras, to their arrival in the present world—was on track.

A long silence followed as the information was processed. Finally, Hunter spoke. "So, how do we get you back to your own world?"

"You believe him?" Tattoo asked in surprise.

Hunter turned up his hands casually. "Sure."

"But it's completely farfetched." True, his magic had not detected any lies in the tale, but elves didn't have that ability. Did the blonde just have really good intuition?

"I've seen stranger stuff, honestly."

This was not the reply Tattoo had anticipated. "Like what?"

"Like that stuff you goblins eat. There are so many colors, textures, layers, and flavors all mixed into one. It's just not normal. I don't know how your taste buds can stand being subjected to all of that."

Tattoo sighed in exasperation. Of course it'd be about food. Returning his attention to Qwan, he asked, "Well?"

"We need to find the source of magical workings occurring in this world and halt it long enough for us to be pulled back into the time stream," Qwan said.

Tattoo frowned. "I think this matter is beyond my authority. We'll have to involve the elf King."

Hunter nodded. "I'll go inform Nir," he said, before disappearing into the woods, leaving the goblin alone in the clearing with the imp and his peacefully snoring companions.

"Why aren't we going with him?" Qwan asked the remaining guard.

"We are. Hunter's just going on ahead to inform the elf King. They'll meet us at the boundary to their land." Tattoo replied. He turned to the gently snoring figures on the grass and began to lift the slumber imposed on them. Shortly, they began to stir.

The human and the imp sat up and blinked owlishly, not yet aware of their surroundings. The small child, however, immediately sprung to her feet and pointed an object at Tattoo. Her stance told him that it was a weapon. A few anxious words from Qwan, however, convinced her to lower said weapon. The details of what had transpired were quickly related, concluding with the need for them to follow the silver figure to meet the elf King, who may be able to help with their predicament.


	3. Clash of Cultures

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Hollow Kingdom series, nor the Artemis Fowl series. Also, there is a direct excerpt from the fifth Artemis Fowl book, _The Lost Colony_, indicated in italics, which I have included in this story.

**Clash of Cultures:**

Half an hour later, the disgruntled group finally stopped at a line of trees deep within the forest. Immediately, three members of the group dropped onto the ground in exhaustion. It had been a forced march from the intruders' landing site to where they were now, and only the fittest of the five had enjoyed the journey. The fittest, of course, was Tattoo, who saw daily exercise as a King's Guard—they weren't all out picking flowers; and Holly, whose training, more often than not, consisted of running rogue fairies into the pavement. To these two elites, the trip had been nothing more than a brisk jog in the park.

The remaining members, however, did not fare so well. No1 was not built for this sort of thing; his stubby legs did not allow for long strides, making it difficult to keep up with Tattoo. If he were ever in a situation in which speed was imperative, he would surely trip in the process of running for his life. Furthermore, he was a lover, not a fighter. No1 suppressed a little giggle as this colloquialism popped into his mind. Qwan had spent the better half of his life as a statue. Needless to say, he was out of shape, but at least the warlock had an excuse, unlike a certain boy genius whose slim frame was sprawled on the grass nearby. Artemis' poise—and how much he detested grass stains on his designer clothes—was momentarily forgotten. His breathing hitched and wheezed while his heart pounded against his ribcage. Artemis once again silently promised that should he ever return to his world, he would take up a sport—a real one.

_No_, he mentally corrected himself. _ I _will_ get back to my world. As for the sport… We'll see. Maybe if I have a few free minutes between heists._

Just as Holly was about to ask why they had stopped, three tall figures appeared to materialize from between the tree trunks. Hunter was introduced to the previously sleeping members of the band of inter-dimensional travelers. Next was a slight man with curly black hair who leaned forward eagerly. His dark eyes sparkled with curiosity as he opened the book in his hand and immediately began writing in it. This was Seylin, the goblin King's chief advisor and also the elf King's tutor. The regal man next to Seylin, with the black hair and black eyes of an aristocrat, had an air of authority about him that the other two did not possess. This was Nir, the elf King.

* * *

><p>"Magic is being worked here all the time. In fact, there are numerous spells that are in place for the protection of our two races. We can't halt those under any circumstances," Nir said.<p>

Artemis pondered this piece of information. His companions waited for him to order his thoughts. The natives of the current world were surprised to see that the magical creatures deferred command to a human adolescent. Said human adolescent suddenly jumped up and addressed Qwan.

"The pull of Hybras is strong, so it would have taken equally—if not stronger—magic to pull us from the stream. That magic would also have to retain that level of power the entire time we've been here to block the pull for this long."

Qwan nodded as his mind quickly caught Artemis' train of thought. "Yes, you're right. It wouldn't be magic that occurred frequently, and it'd have someone immensely strong at its source. It wouldn't be a spell that has already been established, either, like the ones I found at the circle of trees before."

"Arianna has been in labor since yesterday," Seylin said, looking up from writing in his book as a sudden idea struck him.

"Congratulations!" No1 told the man who had been scribbling furiously up until now. No1 didn't see how this Arianna person being in labor was relevant to the conversation, but he couldn't blame the man for being so excited he just had to share the news. No1 had been fascinated to discover that in human cultures, the parents actually kept the children into adulthood. He reached out and enthusiastically shook the man's hand; it was a custom Artemis told him humans used to convey felicitations. _Felicitations—what a lovely word. It comes with such happy connotations. Connotations—another nice word._

Nir had to cover his mouth to suppress the upward curl of his lips at the goblin's obvious embarrassment.

Seylin, a little flustered, politely returned the handshake before saying, "Yes, well… Arianna is actually not my wife." The stares Seylin received at this statement caused even Tattoo and Hunter to let slip a little laughter, which was quickly concealed by loud coughing. "She is the goblin King's Wife, and she is an elf."

Looks of comprehension dawned on the elves and his son-in-law's face, but the strangers merely stared at him expectantly.

"Clearly, we're missing something here," Holly stated. "What does being an elf have to do with anything?"

Seylin immediately launched into tutor mode. He explained how the First Fathers had incorporated all that was beautiful into the elves' genetic makeup. As a result, all elf women were extraordinarily beautiful, and their bodies were slender and frail. This structure made for extremely difficult childbirth, and constant magical attention was required in order for the women to live through the birthing process. Since this was the King's Wife, the King—the most powerful magician in the kingdom—was personally working the magic to keep her alive. Powerful magic.

No1 gasped. "That's probably it, then! The birthing magic is what attracted us to this world—wow, that sounded awkward. Anyway, once it stops, we'll probably return to the tunnel." He turned to Qwan for approval, and glowed with pride when he received a nod of acknowledgment from the elder warlock.

"So there's nothing we can do until the child is born?" Holly asked.

"That seems to be the case," replied the goblin scholar. Holly groaned.

Artemis stood up and dusted off his trousers. "Since we'll be here for an indeterminable amount of time, if you would be so kind as to provide us some lodgings…?"

The goblins and elves stared at him, then turned to each other. "I need the goblin King's permission to bring them into the kingdom," Tattoo said immediately.

"You never asked for permission before imprisoning elf women in your caves," Nir retorted.

"Those raids were all sanctioned by the previous Kings," Seylin interjected before an argument broke out. "Anyways, Marak Catspaw is busy aiding Arianna with her birth at the moment. I think it would be best not to disturb him." Seeing the sour look that crossed Nir's face, Seylin added, "And that was a marriage _you_ sanctioned, elf King."

Nir did not deem this comment worthy of a reply. Instead, he shifted his attention to the strangers on his land. "I must do what is best for my people, and I am not certain that allowing a band of strangers into the camp is best for my people," he said.

Holly's head perked up at this comment. "You're the elf King, right?" She asked.

Nir looked down at the figure that barely reached past his knees. "Yes, child, I am."

Holly's face scrunched up at being called a child—she was in her sixties, for goodness' sake—but she dismissed it. "Well, good, I'm one of your people. If we're going to be stuck here for who-knows-how-many-hours, we need food and maybe even a power nap."

Nir stared at the child in amazement. "You're an elf?"

What happened next shocked him even more. He watched as the little girl placed her hands on the helmet that covered her head and lifted it to reveal large hazel eyes set in a childlike face and fiery red hair cropped close to the head. Nir's eyes were drawn to her sharp, pointed ears as she reached up to massage them gently.

After she finished making sure her ears were not flaking, she pointed at their tips. "See? I'm an elf. Now can we please have some food?"

The goblin adviser chuckled, "She has a _point_, elf King."

Nir shot a glare at the goblin instructor before he let out a defeated sigh and led the way to his camp. He didn't know why he had permitted the strangers into his territory. Perhaps it was because the girl was an elf, and therefore one of his people, thereby making it his duty to protect her for however long she was in this world. Perhaps it was because she was just a child, and children needed to be cared for. Or perhaps it was her red hair, which had reminded him of his wife, who was currently with the goblin King's other close relations at Arianna's bedside. He let out another sigh. It didn't really matter why he did it—it was done. He listened to the crunch of twigs behind him that signaled the others' progress through the woods. The human and imps made an awful lot of noise, which was typical for creatures that had not been endowed with superior grace. The girl, on the other hand, stepped lightly; he could hardly hear her treads behind him.

_Just like an elf_, he thought.

* * *

><p>Hunter and Tattoo watched the retreating backs of the company. When they vanished from sight, the two leisurely returned to their patrol.<p>

"Did I tell you how ridiculous you look with that haircut?" Hunter asked his silver friend, whose once long black hair now stuck up at comically odd angles and defied his every attempt to tame it.

"Several times. But Celia's been in a hairstyling craze lately. I wouldn't be surprised if she came after you next."

Hunter gasped and lifted his hands to pat his own beautiful blonde locks self-consciously. Tattoo smirked at the pretty elf as his comment achieved the desired effect.

"Oh, are you still bringing little Hunter over tomorrow night? I haven't seen him in weeks, and you can't deprive the poor child of seeing his favorite uncle. It's not good for his development."

"Favorite uncle, he says," Tattoo muttered.

"You go on and ask little Hunter when you get home. He'll tell you."

"Oh, I have no doubt."

They both let out amiable laughter as they imagined the child's reaction.


	4. Not Your Usual

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Hollow Kingdom series, nor the Artemis Fowl series. Also, there is a direct excerpt from the fifth Artemis Fowl book, _The Lost Colony_, indicated in italics, which I have included in this story.

**Not Your Usual:**

"Now, tell me everything about your world," the goblin scholar said excitedly, his quill poised above the blank pages.

The group of travelers had been brought into the elf camp, provided with normal elf fare—bread, berries, and assorted vegetables—and submitted to wide-eyed stares from everyone there. At least one member of the new arrivals stared back, his eyes darting from one pretty elf girl to another. He tried his best to mask his glances as observations of the tents or trees, but subtlety was not Artemis' strong suit, and he didn't hear the question.

Holly eyed the book, which was opened to approximately the middle of the volume. _Good grief, he's written a lot in that short time. _"Won't the earth spontaneously combust or something if I reveal information about our world?"

"No," Qwan answered as he placed a berry in his mouth and savored the taste as it burst. His first morsel of food in ten thousand years. "Dimensional travel isn't a quotidian occurrence. Even if we tell them about the world we came from, they have no way of getting there."

"A lot of damage can be done from knowledge alone," Holly said doubtfully, her hazel eyes flitting to the human seated beside her.

"This is just for scholarly knowledge," Seylin protested. "This is the first occurrence of inter-dimensional travelers we've ever encountered. This event will be studied by all future generations to come."

"More importantly, that monster of a King will have a fit when he finds out what he missed out on," Nir added with a smirk.

"A study of your sister race in another world _is_ a rather unique opportunity," Artemis said, tearing his eyes from the scenery.

"Are humans and elves on friendly terms in your world?" Seylin inquired after observing the interaction between Artemis and Holly. "And know of one another's existence?"

"No," Holly answered immediately. "The Mud Men—humans—have covered the globe like insects. The fairies have been driven deep underground to protect themselves from discovery. Artemis is a… special case."

"Fairies?"

"The fairy people consist of eight races, or eight Families. Elves are from the first Family. There are also dwarves, pixies, sprites, gnomes, gremlins, demons, and goblins."

"Even in another dimension, we elves can't escape you goblins," Nir said.

"Why did he just call you a goblin? Aren't you an elf?" No1 asked the handsome man whose wife was _not_ giving birth.

Nir gave a snort. "No. He may look like an elf, but he has goblin blood."

At the visitors' looks of confusion, Seyin went on to explain the intricacies of goblin-elf relations. Artemis squirmed a little at this detailed information. It was too similar to his first encounter with Holly. Although the kidnapping had been for different reasons, the act of kidnapping had been the same, and it was not one he was proud of. Another part of him was also of the opinion that having Holly as a captured bride was enough to doom anyone to the fiery pits of Dante's _Inferno_, and if that wasn't reason enough to squirm, he didn't know what was.

"I think you'll be happy to know that the goblins in my world are probably the stupidest creatures in the fairy Family, and quite incapable of capturing elf brides," Holly said, giving Nir a wink.

At this, a grin spread across Nir's normally stoic features. He shot a triumphant look at Seylin, but the scholar was too busy writing down notes to notice. Then something else the girl had said caught the elf King's attention.

"You said the fairies live _underground_?" Nir asked, clearly aghast.

"And you live in tents. That isn't much better. At least we have beds."

"But we can at least admire the stars and dance under the moon! We have a beautiful forest in which we can walk, the wind that will lend itself to our music, and nature's bounty to feed us. _Goblins _live underground. To be subjected to such a fate—you must have lived such a horrible life. I'm sorry the humans in your world have driven you to such an imprisonment." Nir told Holly mournfully.

"Thank you," Holly replied in an equally sorrowful tone.

"At least you weren't a statue for ten thousand years," Qwan grumbled.

All three then turned to stare at the bemused human boy. Their accusing gazes told him that everything horrible in the world—the goblins capturing elves, the fairies hiding underground, the demons' home becoming unraveled in time and space, global warming, murder, and rebellious teenagers—were solely his fault.

* * *

><p>"You have your own language?" No1 squealed.<p>

"Elves and goblins both do," Seylin replied.

"Can I hear them?" No1's heart fluttered in his chest at the prospect of learning another language.

Seylin could understand the little imp's enthusiasm for the subject. Seylin had acquired quite a love of language himself, since the more magical goblins were required to learn not only English, but Elvish as well.

"I will demonstrate Elvish. It is _my_ ancestral language, after all." Nir then proceeded to demonstrate Elvish with the sentences he had used when first teaching elves who had lost this part of their culture. As with all things associated with the elves, even their language was beautiful. Nir produced soft, almost melodic strings of words that made absolutely no sense to Artemis, but judging from the look of concentration on the fairies' faces, they were not in the same boat.

"Could you say a sentence in the past progressive, please?" No1 requested. Nir complied. "I've got it!" No1 cried in joy, reveling in the rush of new vocabulary in his mind.

"So have I," Holly chimed in.

"As have I," Qwan announced.

Nir and his tutor looked on in amazement as the three fairies started up a conversation in Elvish about their food to test this new language. No1 was saying how he wished to try the stew, since it had meat that was actually cooked. Holly told him that eating the flesh of another creature was disgusting. Qwan was telling his pupil that cooked meat was unheard of in the demon world.

"How did you do that?" Nir asked.

"_It was like a bubble that burst in my mind, releasing all these new nouns, adjectives and verbs for me to use. There are even conjugations—I just love conjugations! And a case system! This is so new, so different! You have a very beautiful language_," No1 told Nir in Elvish.

Suddenly remembering that his human friend couldn't understand what he was saying, N o1 guiltily switched back to English, promising himself he would speak this new language—and all the other languages he had acquired—at least once a day, just because he could. "English doesn't have a very rich case system. It makes me very sad."

Artemis jumped at this chance to join back into the conversation. "Old English used to have a rich case system, but it has gradually been lost. Modern English, excluding pronouns, really only retains the unmarked nominative case and the genitive case." No1 absorbed the information from the youth.

Seylin, recalling the language lessons he had conducted with Sable and Irina years ago, also used exemplar sentences from Goblin to demonstrate the language. Once more, the fairies learned the difficult language easily.

"Really, how do you do that?" Seylin asked.

Artemis was the one to answer this time. "It's the fairy gift of tongues, a part of their magic that allows them to speak any language they encounter."

"Of course, Goblin and Elvish don't exist in our world, so we had to hear it for our magic to learn it," Holly added.

"That is quite amazing," Seylin said. If only he'd had that ability when he was spending entire afternoons doing verb conjugation drills in his childhood.

* * *

><p>Several hours had passed, midnight naps had been taken, and now the camp sat down to their second meal of the night. Seylin had returned to the kingdom to relay his news while the visitors continued to enjoy the hospitality of the elves as they each sampled the food in their laps. Holly had declined the stew containing deer meat and took only the bread. The others accepted both.<p>

"I've been meaning to ask. Exactly what is that metal box strapped to your wrist?" Nir asked Holly. He looked at it with disapproval. Not only was metal associated with humans and goblins, but it also emanated a coldness that he didn't like.

"Uh… It's a bomb," she hesitantly replied.

Nir's face clouded as he dredged up his knowledge of English. "I'm not familiar with that term. What is a _bomb_?"

"Oh, I can help with that!" No1 eagerly offered. "A bomb is an incendiary, explosive device that is often used as a weapon and can cause extensive damage and loss of life depending on the bomb's intensity."

No1's explanation coupled with Holly's nervous fidgeting finally allowed it to click in Nir's mind. "You brought an explosive device into my camp?" he shouted in outrage.

For the normally reserved elves, this was a very alarming display by their leader. Some of the more timid elves had even dropped their tasks and hurried into their tents in terror. Qwan looked up in surprise at their host. Artemis, who had been dreamily staring at a group of elf girls giggling in the distance suddenly snapped back to reality at the outburst. No1 choked on the warm stew he had been enjoying.

"Hmm. Could've sworn we'd mentioned that," Holly deadpanned.

Nir was just about to demand an explanation when Qwan began to tremble, dropping his wooden bowl. "I sense a change coming," he said in a quivering voice. The others felt it, too. There was a pull in everyone's gut, like something was insistently trying to tug it out of their bodies. Artemis wondered briefly if the sensation was a symptom of food poisoning.

Suddenly, Hunter burst into camp, clearly excited. When he noticed the bowls of stew and bread lying around, he gave Nir an indignant look.

"You couldn't have waited until I got back to start the meal?" he demanded.

"If you don't mind, I was just about to ask these people why they brought a dangerous device into my camp," Nir replied testily.

Hunter looked around expectantly before returning his gaze to his friend. "Well, where are they?"

"They're right here," Nir pointed behind him, but when he turned around, he saw only empty bowls and breadcrumbs scattered on the grass.

Nir immediately called on his subjects to search the tents and woods for the strangers. After an hour of combing through every inch of elf territory, there was still no sign of them. It was as if they had simply vanished into thin air. Searching his own portion of the forest, Nir came upon Hunter digging in a bush.

"Here, little elf girl. I have yummy deer meat for you." Upon his approach, Hunter stood up and shot him a smile. "No luck, I'm afraid. I was sure this would do the trick, too."

"The elf girl didn't eat meat," Nir informed him.

"That is just not right," Hunter replied. "Oh! I almost forgot. I have news to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Arianna had her baby and they're both healthy as can be," Hunter replied cheerily.

At the news, it dawned on Nir where the strangers had disappeared to and he called off the search.

The next night, as Miranda was describing the newborn to him, she mentioned that he should avoid Catspaw for a few weeks. It turned out the goblin King was irritated with him for—she quoted—_monopolizing all the fun_.

* * *

><p>"What nice people," No1 said to his companions as they floated through the stream.<p>

"Yes, they were," Artemis agreed, perhaps a little too quickly. Holly shot him a suspicious look, but he avoided her gaze.

"Next stop, Hybras," Qwan announced.

"Or in some cultures, Hell," No1 said, as their destination rushed toward them.


End file.
